cledusbear

Thu, 27 Jul 2006 00:53:37 GMT

So I stole this from Lance's profile and I thought it was neat so you should all do it.

http://kevan.org/johari?name=pinksparkleshine

Thu, 13 Apr 2006 03:40:50 GMT

So I'm back to causually writing in the journal, but I'm not getting too into it but I thought this was good.

So you are suppose to go to wikipedia my favorite site lately, and you look up your birthday to see famous stuff and people that happened, well I did that and maybe it's cuz I'm history major a lot of important stuff happened on April 15th so I'm putting it all.

EVENTS

1755 - Samuel Johnson's A Dictionary of the English Language published in London.

1865 - Abraham Lincoln dies after being shot the previous evening by John Wilkes Booth.

1892 - The General Electric Company is formed through the merger of the Edison General Electric Company and the Thomson-Houston Company.

1912 - The British passenger liner RMS Titanic sinks at about 2:20 a.m. after hitting an iceberg in the North Atlantic almost three hours earlier.

1923 - Insulin first became generally available for use by diabetics.

1924 - Rand McNally publishes its first road atlas.

1927 - Douglas Fairbanks, Mary Pickford and Norma and Constance Talmadge become the first celebrities to leave their footprints in cement at Grauman's Chinese Theater in Hollywood.

1940 - The Allies start their attack on the Norwegian town of Narvik which was occupied by Nazi Germany.

1947 - Jackie Robinson debuts for the Brooklyn Dodgers baseball team, breaking that sport's color line.

1955 - The first McDonald's restaurant opens in Des Plaines, Illinois.

1994 - Representatives of 124 countries and the European Communities sign the Marrakesh Agreements revising the General Agreement on Tariffs and Trade and setting up the World Trade Organization (effective January 1, 1995).

BIRTHS

1452 - Leonardo da Vinci, Italian artist (d. 1519)

1684 - Catherine I of Russia (d. 1727)

1959 - Emma Thompson, English actress

1990 - Emma Watson, English actress

Kick ass for April 15th!!!

Tue, 11 Apr 2006 07:54:02 GMT

Okay so I forgot about this chain letter, peom thing and I read it and I started to cry a little. So I'm posting it.

In a few weeks...

A year has past and now we stand on the brink of returning to
a world where we are surrounded by the paradox of everything
yet nothing being the same. In a few weeks we will
reluctantly give our hugs and, fighting the tears, say
goodbye to the people who were once just names on a sheet of
paper to return to people that we hugged and fought tears to
say goodbye to before we ever left. We will leave our best
friends to return to our best friends. We will go back to
places we came from and go back to the same things we did
last summer and every summer before. We will come into town
on that same familiar road, and even thought it has been
months, it will seem like only yesterday.

As you walk into your old bedroom, every emotion will pass
through you as you reflect on the way your life has changed
and the person you have become. You suddenly realize that the
things that were most important to you a year ago don't seem
to matter so much anymore, and the things you hold highest
now, no one at home will completely understand. Who will you
call first? Where are you going to work? Who will be at the
party Saturday night? What has everyone been up to? Who from
school will you keep in touch with? How long before you
actually start missing people bargaining in without calling
or knocking? Who will get breadsticks with you at three in
the morning? How long until you adjust to sleeping in a room
by yourself, or how long before you realize your three best
friends aren't in the bed next to your room?

Then you realize how much things have changed, you realize
the hardest part of college is balancing the two completely
different worlds you now live in, trying desperately to hold
on to everything all the while trying to figure out what you
have to leave behind. In the matter of one day's traveling
time, we will leave our world of living next door to our best
friends, walking across campus to eat, instant messenger,
8:00 classes, and perpetual procrastination to a world that
will seem foreign to us despite the fact that we have lived
in it for twenty-one years.

But it is different now... We now know the meaning of true
friendship. We know whom we have kept in touch with over the
past year and whom we hold dearest to our hearts. We've left
our high school worlds to deal with the real world. We have
had our hearts broken, we've fell in love, we've helped our
best friends through the toughest times of their lives,
something their even best friends at home couldn't be there
for. We've stayed up all night just to be there for a friend.
We've partied the night away, doing stupid stuff, but we were
always there for each other afterwards. There have been times
when we've felt so helpless being hours away from home when
we know our families or friends needed us most, and there are
times when we know we have made a difference.

A few weeks from now we will leave. A few weeks from now we
take down our pictures, and pack up our clothes. No more
going next door to do nothing for hours on end. We will leave
our friends whose random emails and phone calls will bring us
to laughter and tears this summer. We will take our memories
and dreams and put them away for now, saving them for our
return to this world.

A few weeks from now from now we will arrive. A few weeks
from now from now we will unpack our bags and have dinner
with our families. We will drive over to our best friend's
house and do nothing for hours on end. We will return to the
same friends whose random emails and phone calls have brought
us laughter and tears over the past year. We will unpack old
memories and dreams that have been put away for the past
year.

A few weeks from now we will dig deep inside to find the
strength and conviction to adjust to change and still keep
each other close. And somehow, in someway, we will find our
place between these two worlds.

In a few weeks.... are you ready?

Tue, 11 Apr 2006 07:47:52 GMT

So I feel like I'm not making good choices lately or rather I'm in situations that I believe I can/should have been able to avoid. My Birthday is coming up yay! I'm bummed that I'm so broke though, I need to start working for COT soon!

So I know it's super early but I you know me I'm a planner, I'm taking a second little in the fall, and I have a big brother for her who ever she may be. It's the SGA prez Dan, he's pretty much the nicest guy ever, he's like an ordained minster so I really couldn't get a nicer guy. It's really early and I don't need to take another little I have the perfect one, she really is the best little I could ask for.

But is it too early/mean to be asking for a big brother or planning for little number 2? I really do love my little a lot and I don't have to take one but I have so much extra stuff I figure why not?

I'm so excited for Leah her wedding is coming up so fast!!! I'm going to be so sad when she leaves, but I'll visit her often. I'm going to be sad when everyone leaves. This is especially going to be hard because I'm so close to so many of the girls going alum. God I'm going to be in school forever everyone is going to graduate before me.

Sun, 09 Apr 2006 19:13:48 GMT

All American Kid

Popular but not plastic. Athletic but not a jock. Smart but not a brain.

You were well rounded and well liked in high school.

Who Were You In High School?

Tue, 21 Mar 2006 04:37:59 GMT

So okay today was an extremly stressful day and everyone I called had their voicemails on, urgh, I'm back to LJ, I thought I could quit you.

Okay so I have a problem.
I am running for house leader that's no suprise but what is a suprise is how many people are running.

I personally don't get, 4 people could be running!
Mike, Ning, and Sean.
Mike is a long shot I think he is graduating but he is still in the background. I won't win against Mike, he's the current house leader, and he is pretty good at his job and the house LOVES him.
Sean will be my pro-temp and I will be his if he wins, so that's not so bad, but I really want this position. I also think I'm most qualified, I've been there the longest, I was a vice-chair, I was a sub-committee chair, I went to D.C., and I'm the historian.
Ning well he is Ning, he is really smart but I don't think he cares enough.

To make matters worse, elections are Greek Week during Say What! So the 30 Greeks that I pretty much had in my pocket ARE GONE! In a house of 80 that's a lot of freaking votes. Unless I could convince some of my panhel friends to stay until the voting but I doubt it.Then there are 10 people that going to be elected as Senators so those votes are gone. This is going to be so much harder than originally planned. My speech has to be freaking awesome and I need to be in the office every second I can be over the next few weeks.

Week 10 pretty much sucks!

Thu, 02 Mar 2006 06:45:57 GMT

so Walk the Line is out on DVD, you should buy it or rent same goes for Pride Prejudice they are wonderful. Walk the Line is probably better but P and P is a classic!

Also I won't have access to email for a basically the whole break but the up side is I won't be in Mount Pleasant so I'll have service.

Wed, 01 Mar 2006 06:35:45 GMT

So I'm so pumped/nervous for D.C., I have no money so that sucks but it's going to be such an awesome experience. I am leaving Sunday at 845am and coming back Saturday at 11am, so chances of me seeing Troy people are pretty slim. I'm going to come home the weekend after Spring Break to rest and recooperate so hopefully I'll see you then. I hope I don't look stupid in my pants suit, I hate hate hate hate hate pant suits, I just don't think they are flattering, but my mom talked me into one saying that I'll have an interview suit, I think it's too tight but my mom thinks it's fine. I was born in business casual(inside jk). I might see Debby too depending on our schedules and if she can make the drive up there, I hope it works out I won't get to see her this summer.

So my mom wants to go on trip in May, we got bumped last year in Florida, so we have free round trip tickets anywhere so I'm just not going to take classes that section but I strongly considering taking AFRO-AMERICAN HISTORY I but it's so early and I don't want to drive to Southfield 2 times a week. I may just decide to take this summer off and get a second job maybe in Troy but maybe up in Mount Pleasant, work there maybe a couple of days week and just have that be my job in the fall and maybe in the winter. This is just talk so who knows what I'll end up doing.

Speaking of classes have you CMU people heard of the Leadership Minor that they are going to be offering in the fall? here is the website http://www.cmich.edu/cmulead/minor.htm. I know it sounds like a stupid Minor. I mean come on a minor in Leadership? I normally would be the kind of person to laugh at that, because Leadership is a personal trait not a minor nor is it a skill a personal can actually learn that's just my point of view. BUT because I'm a social studies and history major and going into teacher ed, I would only need to take 9-12 credits and I would have this minor. If you look at the requirement chances are it might fit with your majors too. There is a lot of psych, poli sci, history, ipc, park and rec, and just a bunch of random crap. All I need to do is the 4 required courses and it's mine. I'm already going to be here FOREVER, so why not? I'm going to have a minor in Leadership, haha, it's sounds fake but it's not! Come on everyone lets be Leadership Minors!

Okay this story is mostly for Breanne and I'm fairly sure no one but her will thinks it's funny. So Sunday night after GA was on, I was putting away my laundry and I had a bottle of pop on my shelf, it was 2 liter of coke. I must have swatted it or something because it fell on the ground and exploded. It explode on my corduroy pants, ruining them. An explosion ruined my corduroy pants. That was for you B.

Lastly, I got into the teaching program and I forgot who I told so I'm in, I have my cohorts for next semester waiting on Spring 2007 but that's far off.

Tue, 28 Feb 2006 04:30:28 GMT

Okay,

So I know my birthday is way far away, but you were planning on getting me a birthday present DON'T!!! I have no money right now and I'm going to D.C. for Spring Break with SGA, yeah they are paying for hotel and air fare but that's really it, all the food and anything else I might need is all on me. I'm going to be like Rachel on Friend's for her Birthday. Stick to the list and my list is Money.

It's not impersonal or meaningless because this is what I want the most. Well I wanted to go to James Blunt the most but that sold out. If you were only planning to spend 2 dollars on me that would be 2 dollars more than I have right now. If you don't think you'll see me before Spring Break please send me a check either to my house 5232 Hale Troy, MI 48085 or to my dorm at Kulhavi 102 210 West Broomfield Street Mount Pleasant, MI 48858. I really really really don't want any presents. Please PLEASE PLEASE give me money instead, I don't even want cake and you know how I love cake.

I know your saying well I want to give you something, this is the something I need and want, and all I'm asking for. Don't buy me present, take me out to eat, anything just give me some money for my birthday. I know this is early but it's really the only thing I'll be asking for even after Spring Break, money for my birthday that's it, no cards, flowers, money, I do need it bad.

Wed, 22 Feb 2006 04:20:29 GMT

Okay so I have a few things to report mostly to my family, because they read this the most I think.

1. THE WALL OF CLARE IS GONE!!! You read that right, my mom painted the walls and decided hammering in 15 nails to put pictures of me might freak people out. So know I have a Clare Shelf with candles all around, my mom is so crazy.

2. My pink carpet in my room is GONE! My mom put in beige carpeting, but it looks white to me. My room looks like the opening scene of Garden State with all the white all around Zach Braff, except I don't have a phone in my room.
It looks like a different house, which is kind of making it easier to let go of it.

My family tree in Phi Mu is officially the biggest with the 2 new additions we have a officially 1/6 of the chapter in my family tree.

I've been talking in SGA more and it makes me happy, and I got to count the votes yesterday I felt important! DC is going to be scary but amazing!!!

I really love the PR committee, it's pretty much the best committee ever. I'm so happy I'm the chairwoman though there are times I want to pull my hair out. Next fall is going to run so much smoother.

So only 3 girls from Troy that at are Central are not Greek, I think that's pretty funny, and it just shows we are the leaders just like our teachers always told us we were :)

Lastly I'm going to be in Lansing for a little bit on Friday to pick up my cousins for SIBS Weekend, so if you have few hours to spare State People call me!

Sat, 18 Feb 2006 06:29:09 GMT

So I saw Elizabethtown, it was an okay movie, I think it was trying to hard but anyways, the place that orlando bloom stays at looks exactly like the hotel, my family stayed at in Kentucky for our family reunion. I'm almost positive it's the same place. You do not forget a hotel like that. That's one of the things I liked about it, the movie had some really great family moments. In addition to that the main character's name was Clare and she was obessed with names too, she was really crazy like me. Also it made me want to go on a road trip around the country, I promised Agnes that I would take some Prozac/or something like that and should go this summer, we could take a week off and visit Esther in Boston. I'm thinking that this trip can only be a better experience than the last one, it really can only get better. I know Boston isn't like super far away but it would be a nice start.

Wed, 08 Feb 2006 23:00:14 GMT

So I'm getting ready to register for summer classes at OCC, my choices are pretty limited. I can take 1 art/humanties class and 1 african american history class. I have to decide, would it be worth waking up at 8am and driving to Southfield 2 times a week to take the african american history class. I know I could do it, but would I be angry every day until July when the class ends? Prolly, so it looks like I'll be taking a class an art class and that's it. But I don't want to drive to Orchard Ridge, because I don't really like 96 or 696, though it looks like I will have to. Though to be honest M-59 is no walk in the park either. I think the only highway I like lately is 127 minus the drive around St.Johns. So back to my point if you have to take an art class take it with me okay? I might be able to take topics in film but I have to check with the teacher ed people.

Wed, 08 Feb 2006 07:35:51 GMT

I need to relax, I need to not take things to heart, I need to stop trying to do everything. Mostly I need to not be stressed out my mind. I will not join anything new! I will not do any more work that I don't have to do even if I am kind of interested in it. I will make time for Pie darn it!

I'm very angry at my Econ class, because we have to do an environment adovacy paper, that he really doesn't explain but rather complains about to us. Also we get picked on at any second. He makes me unconformable and I'm afraid my grade will suffer if I don't answer his crazy questions.

I'm nervous for my PSC 325 class because I have no idea what to study for our test. For somebody who made out a 5 page course outline, there really should be study guide.

I'm annoyed that my HST 102 prof feels the need to lecture at us about the present world, this is not his job, nor do I want his views of the world. I'm a liberal like him, but really history teachers should be a neutral as possible. I don't need to hear about how China will become THE super power when you are talking about France.

My GEO 373 is mind numbingly boring, even the pictures that he shows make me sleepy. I've skipped this class 2 times in 5 weeks, that is like missing a whole week of class. I need to go to every class from now on.

Lastly the worst class is PSC 261, my class are basically on an internship for Isabella County. We have to contact the 19 municpalities and hundred's of names to find out what types of GIS systems they have. The county comissioner wants to modernize and centeralize this information. So we have to find out they have and what they need. After we do that his PSC 300 levels are going to go to Lansing and present this idea to legislators to make it a reality. I'm super angry that we are doing this project. Yeah it will look nice on resume but I do not like being used. I am not doing an internship. This is a required class for me and my prof is the only prof that teaches this so I'm stuck. I've worked for the City of Troy and I've seen local government at it's worst, the small towns, villages, tribes, and other township are going to be so much more awful. Mount Pleasant is considered a big town in this project. My head hurts.

Mon, 06 Feb 2006 06:18:13 GMT

Oh Beliefnet Daily Motivational quotes you are so wise!

Two things a man should never be angry at: what he can help, and what he cannot help.

-Thomas Fuller

Did anyone else like FREAK OUT at Grey's Anatomy tonight???? I know my roommates, Keidi, and certainly did!

Sun, 05 Feb 2006 04:42:01 GMT

So Just a little announcement James Blunt aka the guy that sings "you're beautiful" is coming to the Majestic Theatre in Detroit, Michigan on March 24th. I'm begging for someone to go with me. Tickets go on sale on Friday!!! Please Please somebody go with me. I realize that Family Day is the next day but it would be so worth it!!! I just found out that the tickets are $23 which is kind of high, so if nobody wants to go that's okay, but just keep in mind. Agnes might come, we will see, but before Friday somebody please go with me!!! He is British and kind of cute, you know you want to go!!!

Sat, 04 Feb 2006 08:00:05 GMT

So I can't sleep, Tired everything humanly possible next to taking a sleeping pill and I don't want to do that, so I'm sorta homeworking it but not really. So for the sake of that I LOVE to count and I LOVE to make lists. I'm being serious, I count things so I can fall asleep. I lack the brain power to make a good list so I've found 2 I hope you(Jessica Whipple especially) will enjoy.

So the point is I was watching Stephen Colbert's show ton. He has a you're dead to me list and on notice list which when I saw I laughed so hard so here is his lists.

"On Notice"
1. Grizzly Bears
2. Barbara Streisand
3. Michael Adams
4. The British Empire
5. James Brady
6. Black Hole at Center of Galaxy
7. The Toronto Raptors
8. Business Casual
9. The Toronto Raptors
10. Pant Cuffs
11. Faberge Eggs
12. Israeli Newspapers
13. Lutherans

His "Dead to Me"
1. New York Intellectuals
2. Men with Beards
3. California's 50th District
4. Heather Clark
5. Bowtie Pasta
6. The Cast of Friends
7. Owls
8. CNN en Espanol
9. Screw-Cap Wines

If you don't think those lists are funny you're DEAD TO ME!

Fri, 03 Feb 2006 07:18:52 GMT

So here is today's motivational quote

We ourselves feel that what we are doing is just a drop in the ocean. But the ocean would be less because of that missing drop.

-Mother Teresa

If you go to CMU you should give blood if you don't you can give blood too, but I'll be so much more happy if people from CMU gave blood today at Emmons 12-6pm I will DANCE for you!

So I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders, I finally turned in my teacher application, I'll know in a few days if I'm in the program or not. I think I should be fine, I have the grades, passed the MBST and I turned everything in on time, so we'll see.

So here is my plan for the weekend, I'm locking myself in the SGA office and doing all my homework. Not the most exciting choice for a weekend, but then my life isn't very exciting. But since it's the weekend not even the VP who is there all the time will be there. It's seriously the best place to do work on campus if nobody else in the office. I have a 2 page essay, some environmental econ to work on, and I probably should start reading my history book. I know what happens, Mr. Hunter prepared me well for this class. I can particpate in class without having to read anything in advanced.

Oh gosh I just looked at the clock, it's bed time

We have 6 new phi babies!!!! YAY!!!! I want some more but I'm pretty pumped right now.

Thu, 02 Feb 2006 07:17:59 GMT

My horroscope for today says Find your destiny. hmmm sounds vague and important. I hate to say it but I kind of believe in horroscopes, I know it's awful, but I always look at it. I don't necessarily take it to heart but I do look at them.

Also I'm so pumped for our cute new phi babies. I want more of them but I'm pretty pumped for the ones we currently have!!! One of them is going to my grand little!!! Gosh I'm getting old.

This was funny

Wed, 01 Feb 2006 04:17:54 GMT

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Clare!

Twenty-eight percent of Microsoft's employees are Clare.
Clare can eat up to four kilograms of insects in a single night!
Clare has a memory span of three seconds!
Clare is the only one of the original Seven Wonders of the World that still survives.
All swans in England belong to Clare.
Ancient Chinese artists would never paint pictures of Clare!
If a snake is born with two heads, the heads will fight over who gets Clare.
The water in oceans is four times less salty than the water in Clare!
During severe windstorms, Clare may sway several feet to either side!
Clare has three eyelids.

Tue, 31 Jan 2006 19:44:30 GMT

I'm going to washington d.c. with SGA, I'm on cloud 9!!!!!!!

More Proof Clare is addicted to movies

Mon, 30 Jan 2006 06:10:46 GMT

Okay so I finally saw Junebug and the whole of Crash. So I feel like I'm ready to give my annual top ten movies of year count down. I think it was a really lousy year for movies. 2004 was a much better year in my opinion. In fact I found it hard to recall movies that I saw this year and actually liked. I didn't see star wars 12 or whatever it was, war of the worlds, harry potter, syrania, king kong, or narnia. Maybe they would have made my top ten but I doubt it.

10. Junebug
9. 40 year old Virgin
8. The Upside of Anger
7. The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants
6. Rumor Has it
5. Batman Begins
4. Pride and Prejudice
3. Murderball
2. Good Night and Good Luck
1. Walk the Line

Movies I found extremly overrated but still good include, Brokeback Mountain and Crash well mostly just Brokeback Mountain. But Crash quite a bit too.

Movies I found to be so overrated and were just not good,
Broken Flowers, Memoirs of a Geshia( I didn't spell that word right), Sideways, Mr. & Mrs. Smith, and the Constant Gardener.

The most overrated movied in 2005 Wedding Crashers, yeah it had the Frat Pack in it, yah Christoher Walken is funny (in a he might have killed Natalie Wood sort of way), but it wasn't THAT funny, I saw this movie once and to honest once is plenty. They brought back the R rated comedy whatever.

I'm not going to a worst movies because I really just saw mostly crappy movies this summer, not awful ones, I was more disappointed. 2006 isn't looking that good either with more remakes of crappy tv shows, and unneeded sequels.

Fri, 27 Jan 2006 19:57:03 GMT

I agree exactly with what Esther Gim said so I'm copying it

the downfall of being from a supposed "perfect town" where kids get good grades, have a good career and raise a nice family and everything else is fine and dandy. you're made an example you think this would happen anywhere else?

http://freep.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=2006601270321

Also I'm fairly sure I know where they got the COT signs from.

Thu, 26 Jan 2006 06:00:25 GMT

So I couldn't stay off AIM, it's not because I really had to go on it, it's because my phone has the worst service ever and AIM was the only way to talk to someone in my comittee.

Honest, but I won't spend like 10 hours on there, just like 10mins to get my point across and get out of there.

I'm happy and sad for the weekend, mostly because I know I have a lot of crap to do.

But hurray for no Friday Classes!!!

Also my right hand is on the front page of the cm-life but saddly nothing else not even my name.

Tue, 24 Jan 2006 05:50:27 GMT

I'm the new historian, it's kind of a position that nobody wants but I like scrapbooking so it should be a good time. Also I might get to go lobbying on Wednesday hurray for SGA, so happy today.

Also I realize that I have an addiction and that addiction to AIM, I'm on all the time but I only really talk to like 20 on my buddy list I should drive to Lexington where I have service and call people. It's much better than typing. I'm not going to go on it for a whole week. Starting Today Tuesday Jan. 24th. If I can break this addiction then maybe just maybe I can give up other things like Skittles, Diet Pepsi, watching movies. Whoa now I'm too crazy right now.

P.S. my name might be mentioned in CM-Life wednesday check it out!

WHY IS CHUCK NORRIS GOD??

Mon, 23 Jan 2006 05:10:34 GMT

Here's another list I DON'T GET IT!!! Who spends all their time writting about him. This is too crazy for me.

1. Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.

2. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

3. When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.

4. Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.

5. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

6. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

7. After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more humane.

8. Chuck Norris waited patiently in Al Capones vault for 63 years just so he could give Geraldo Rivera the surprise beating of his lifetime.

9. Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking Indian.

10. When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.

11.Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

12. Bullets dodge Chuck Norris.

13. A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris shoe. Chuck replied, Dont you know who I am? Im Chuck Norris! The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris

14. Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earths atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.

15. Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.

16. according to Einsteins theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday. now thats fast

17. Chuck Norris once threated to sue Burger King because they refused to make it his way. When asked what his way detailed, he replied: with barbed wire and nails, of course. He then roundhouse kicked the reporter for even asking.

18. Chuck Norris has already killed Bin Laden, the government is simply on The Hunt to find the pieces left over from the roundhouse kick.

19. There are no cannibals. Just impersonators of Chuck Norris.
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

20. Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.

21. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

22. Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."

23. Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

24. Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

25. Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

26. Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.

27. Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't fuck with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.

28. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

29. Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

30. Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like
Chuck Norris

31. Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

32. To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

33. There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.

34. Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.

35. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

36. Chuck Norris once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a high school football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded the referees to let him kick the field goal with a 3 month old child. Chuck roundhoused kicked the baby 60 yards through the uprights and then proceeded to bang every girl in the stadium.

37. The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.

38. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

39. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

40. When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.

41. It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him. Pirates never were very smart.

42. Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

43. Chuck Norris used live ammunition during all shoot-outs. When a director once said he couldn't, he replied, "Of course I can, I'm Chuck Norris," and roundhouse kicked him in the face.

44. If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Chuck Norris.

45. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.

46. On the 7th day, God rested.... Chuck Norris took over.

47. When his martial arts prowess fails to resolve a situation, Chuck Norris plays dead. When playing dead doesn't work, he plays zombie.

48. Although it is not common knowledge, there are actually three sides to the Force: the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris.

49. Scientists used to believe that diamond was the world's hardest substance. But then they met Chuck Norris, who gave them a roundhouse kick to the face so hard, and with so much heat and pressure, that the scientists turned into artificial Chuck Norris.

50. God offered Chuck Norris the gift to fly, which he swiftly declined for super strength roundhouse ability.

51. When Chuck Norris was denied a Bacon McMuffin at McDonalds because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a KFC.

52. Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.

53. A duck's quack does not echo. Chuck Norris is solely responsible for this phenomenon. When asked why he will simply stare at you, grimly.

54. Chuck Norris once tried to defeat Garry Kasparov in a game of chess. When Norris lost, he won in life by roundhouse kicking Kasparov in the side of the face.

55. Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.

56. Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.

57. If you want a list of Chuck Norris' enemies, just check the extinct species list.

58. Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never.

59. When Chuck Norris' wife burned the turkey one thanksgiving, Chuck said, "don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."

60. Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

61. Chuck Norris doesn't need to swallow when eating food.

62. If Superman and The Flash were to race to the edge of space you know who would win? Chuck Norris.

63. Ironically, Chuck Norris' hidden talent is invisibility.

64. Chuck Norris eats transformer toys in vehicle mode and poos them out transformed into a robot.

65. Chuck Norris owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 world series of poker despite him holding just a joker, a 2 of clubs, a 7 of spades, and a green number 4 from Uno and a monopoly 'get out of jail free' card.

66. Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, don't be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat.

67. Chuck Norris invented water.

68. Chuck Norris went looking for a bar but couldn't find one. He walked to a vacant lot and sat there. Sure enough within an hour an a half someone constructed a bar around him. He then ordered a shot, drank it, and then burned the place to the ground. Chuck Norris yelled over the roar of the flames, "always leave things the way you found em!"

69. One time while sparring with Wolverine, Chuck Norris accidentally lost his left testicle. You might be familiar with it to this very day by its technical term: Jupiter.

70. Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.

71. Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalker's real father.

72. Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it.

73. Before science was invented it was once believed that autumn occurred when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked every tree in existence.

74. In the original pilot for Star Trek Next Generation, Chuck Norris can be seen powering the USS Enterprise warp drive with his roundhouse kicks.

75. Chuck Norris once commented, There are few problems in this world that cannot be solved by a swift roundhouse kick to the face. In fact, there are none.

76. Chuck Norris once ate an entire ream of rice paper and shat out origami swans and Mister Miyagi from Karate Kid.

77. Chuck Norris is a man of few words. Chuck Norris is not a man of few roundhouse kicks to the face.

78. The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse actually live in Chuck Norriss nutsack.

79. When observing a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick in slow motion, one finds that Chuck Norris actually rapes his victim in the ass, smokes a cigarette with Dennis Leary, and then roundhouse kicks them in the face.

80. Chuck Norris put humpty dumpty back together again, only to roundhouse kick him in the face. Later Chuck dined on scrambled eggs with all the kings horses and all the kings men. The king himself could not attend for unspecified reasons. Coincidentally, the autopsoy revealed the cause of death to be a roundhouse kick to the face. There is only one King.

81. When Chuck Norris played golf for money, chuck marked down a hole in 0 every time, a pro at the golf club, said to chuck,excuse me sir, but you cant score zero on a hole. Chuck Norris turned towards the man and said, im Chuck Norris, the man then proceeded to pour gas over his body and set himself on fire because that would be less painful than getting roundhouse kicked by Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him in the face anyways.

82. Chuck Norris made Ellen Degeneres straight.

83. Chuck Norris kicked Neo out of Zion , now Neo is The Two

84. Chuck Norris iPod came with a real charger instead of just a USB cord.

85. Chuck Norris knows where Carmen Sandiego is.

86. Rudolph has a red nose because he got lippy and Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him across the face several times.

87. China was once bordering the United States, until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked it all the way through the Earth.

88. Chuck Norris is what Willis was talking about

89. If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

90. Chuck Norris sent Jesus a birthday card on December 25th and it wasnt Jesus birthday. Jesus was to scared to correct Chuck Norris and to this day December 25th is known as Jesus birthday.

91. When Chuck Norris had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors.

92. Chuck Norris once broke the land speed record on a bicycle that was missing its chain and the back tire.

93. Chuck Norris once kicked a baby elephant into puberty

94. Multiple people have died from Chuck Norris giving them the finger.

95. Chuck Norris once tried to wear glasses. The result was him seeing around the world to the point where he was looking at the back of his own head.

96. Pee Wee Herman got arrested for masturbating in public. The same day, Chuck Norris got an award for masturbating in public.

97.Once a grizzly bear threatened to eat Chuck Norris. Chuck showed the bear his fist and the bear proceeded to eat himself, because it would be the less painful way to die.

98. If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down

99. Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris

100. Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

101. Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

102. Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

103. Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always.

104. A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

105. Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.

106. There is no such thing as tornados. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks.

107. Chuck Norris never cries, because of this when hes sad he roundhouse kicks himself and it makes him feel better since he knows he is the only one who can survive the roundhouse.

108. Chuck Norris does not procreate, he breeds

109. When asked what type of vehicle he drives, Chuck Norris responded slyly with Dont you mean what kind of vehicle drives me?

110. Chuck Norris evil twin brother, Richard Simmons, once approached Chuck with the hope of reconciliation, but at the sight of Richards curly, well kept hair, Chuck Norris became so enraged that he turned green with hate and ripped Richard Simmons arms and legs off. This action was the origin of the Marvel Comic badass, The Incredible Hulk.

111. Chuck Norris doesnt worry about changing his clock twice a year for daylight savings time. The sun rises and sets when Chuck tells it to.

112. A woman once turned down sex with chuck norris, so he roundhouse kicked her in the chin and had sex with her 10 month old baby instead

113. crime rate in texas has decreased by 90% in texas now that they have switched the death pentalty from lethal injection, to roundhouse kick to the face by chuck norris

114. when luke skywalker and darth vadar faught in star wars, they did not use actual light sabers, the used chuck norris penis cut in half

115. one time a kid held a jack in the box, but when he opened it chuck norris popped out and roundhouse kicked him in the face.

116. chuck norris once defeated the sun in a staring contest

117. God has nothing to do with the creation of the heavens and the earth, it was Chuck Norriss roundhouse kick to the face of God that allowed him to create the heavens and the earth.

118. Chuck Norris was once walking along the Sahara Desert when he decided he needed shelter from the sun. So he stared at the sand until it melted into 2 ton blocks. He then made his shelter which we now call the Great Pyramids.

119. Adam and Eve never existed. What really happened, was that Chuck Norris sneezed and a human fetus emerged from his nose, this was the beginning of man.

120. Chuck Norris was not alowed to be a part of UFC,NFL,PGA,NBA,NHL or any Olympic event for fear that too many deaths would occure.

121. Chuck Norris bathes in a mixture of sufuric acid, A-JAX, Gasoline and AquaVelva and scrubs himself with a loofah made of steele wool. This creates the alluring aroma that makes him irresistable to all women.

122. The actor who played Chewbacca is actually Chuck Norriss penis.

123. Chuck Norris eats barbed wire and small children for breakfast, and washes is all down with decaf battery acid.

124. Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not Tookie Williams, started the Crips as a group to share his hobby of kicking crippled children in the face.

125. Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

126. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

126. when Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

127. Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill.

128. When Chuck Norris was a teenager, he once impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the Himalaya mountains. 9 months later, the nuns all gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in NFL history.

129. When the Boogeyman goes to bed he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

130. When Chuck Norris plays baseball he hits a homerun every time by roundhouse kicking the baseball. He then procedes to fuck all the girls in the stadium with his beard.

131. Chuck once got shot in the head. He then proceeded to surgically remove the bullet with his beard as foreceps and then ate it because his daily iron count was low.

132. Ice isnt cold water, its water that is scared still by Chuck Norris.

133. Chuck Norris has an ongoing feud with the Keebler elves. It started when they stole his idea for putting a kitchen in a tree. While the elves now make subpar cookies in the tree, Chucks tree contains a fully functioning crystal meth lab.

134. Chuck Norris can actually breath fire.

135. A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is Charles. Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.

136. In the back of the Guinness Book of World Records it states All records are currently held by Chuck Norris, and the records listed in this book are only the records of those people who have come closest to Chuck Norriss records.

137. Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

138. Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

139. When Chuck Norris runs with scissors, other people get hurt.

140. Chuck norris was once the victim of a violent robbery, when the robber realized what he had done, he immediately killed himself

141. Chuck Norris once was playin a friendly game of golf with the pope. When Chuck shanked a ball into the bunker he began cursing. The pope said, I will pray for you my son. Norris proceeded to roundhouse kick him to the face stating that no one prays for Chuck Noris besides Chuck Norris, then he stole his wallet.

142. chuck norris posted this, and if you dont repost this he will roundhouse kick you in the face, causing your entire family to feel it.